YOUR CHRONICLE SLOTH MOVIE
YOUR CHRONICLE SLOTH PLUS

If you can determine which “type” of animal you’re dealing with, it becomes easier to produce “solutions” or at the very least a better understanding of what fresh horse hell you can expect from that particular creature.Īt the end of a long day, any little idiot who decides to carve out a life attempting to translate and comprehend the thought processes of a toddleresque 1,200-pound emotionally unstable feces machine has their own problems to work out. Stay in the industry long enough, and you’ll start to notice similar traits and typecast each new horse you encounter.Īs with humans, horses fall into multiple personality profiles or variations of them. Each animal comes complete with its own personality “quirks” and preferences. I have some cards to send.If you’ve been around horses long enough, you’ve inevitably picked up on the fact that no two creatures are exactly cut from the same cloth.

YOUR CHRONICLE SLOTH PLUS

Plus you’ll have had a far less interesting and far less, well, fun time here on earth. You won’t even have these offerings to show when you get to heaven. Tomorrow is promised to no one and you might never get another chance to say “thank you” or “I’m sorry” or “happy birthday” or “let me help you with that.” And then what happens if sex does count?

It all just seems to take too much effort, right?Įxcept that so does life: Life takes effort. Sloth has never written a thank-you note, sent a birthday card on time, or entertained angels. It doesn’t bother returning something to the lost and found, but pockets it instead it doesn’t tell the clerk he has undercharged. Sloth does slightly less than the right thing. He’ll only sleep on the far side of the bed.” After all, they’re all basically the same.” It murmurs, “Don’t contradict him it isn’t worth an argument. Sloth slides over to say, “Marry her she’ll make your life easier, because she loves you more than you love her. Sloth never gets around to RSVPing but shows up at the party anyway. Sloth cheats on exams, drinks straight from the milk carton, and leaves exactly two sheets on the toilet roll so that it will have to be replaced by the next poor soul who finds out too late that the remaining paper is nothing more than a mirage. And it’s sloth’s job to make you assume you know enough to pass judgment when all you’ve done is listen to what others have to say, without doing any thinking of your own.

YOUR CHRONICLE SLOTH MOVIE

It’s sloth’s job to make you stay up late watching an old movie you’ve seen before when you know you’ll only get all cranky at customers the next morning at work.

It whispers that you might as well do it tomorrow, that nobody will know if you cut corners here and there to save yourself some trouble, that the world will be the same in 100 years no matter what you do, so why do anything? Sloth says, “Don’t strain yourself,” “What’s the big hurry?” and “Just give me five more minutes.” Sloth hits the snooze alarm, hits the remote control and hits the road when the going gets tough. It’s my suspicion that there will be a lot of forgiveness for everything except wasting the stuff nobody gets enough of: time and talent. Somehow the answers “It didn’t seem worth it” and “It wouldn’t have done much good anyway” or even “I was watching the Weather Channel” won’t cut much slack. We’ll have to account not so much for all the sins we’ve committed because we’re weak or foolish or scared or needy-they’ll understand all that-we’ll have to explain in detail why we didn’t get around to doing all the good we could have done. Maybe I’m overconfident (do I feel a breeze created by heads nodding in unison?), but I still have a feeling that we’ll all be waiting in a really long line at the Pearly Gates only to hear the shouts of celebration when somebody yells from the front of the queue, “Hey! Good news! Sex doesn’t count!”īut what will count, I think, are sins of omission, and I’m afraid these will count big time. I’d take a festive feast with gluttony, a steamy night with lust, a stuffed purse from greed, a shouting match with anger, a bragging contest with pride, and a beauty contest with envy without worrying about my immortal soul. More than any other of the cozier and more familiar sins, I regard sloth as my natural enemy and the embodiment of my biggest fear.

Your chronicle sloth